Posts tagged miscarriage

39 Weeks, 2 Days Pregnant

I’m patient. I am. I am, I am, I am.

In many respects, this is true. I am also impatient. Waiting for baby to come is really hard. For many moms, it’s the discomfort at the end of pregnancy that causes the impatience. For me, it’s just that I’m not good at waiting. I’m actually quite comfortable–more comfortable now than I’ve been in a while. My pelvis does still hurt/sting a bit when I roll over in bed, but it’s nothing compared to the fire I’ve felt off and on for the last couple months. I do have to pee every 30 minutes or so, and could probably go more often, if I tried. But that’s a minor inconvenience most of the time.

I’m not even to my guess date yet, so I shouldn’t be too impatient. I’m trying not to be. This entire pregnancy has been about learning to be patient. At the beginning, I had some spotting which was very troubling to me since I’d miscarried just a few months before. I had to exercise every bit of patience I could muster to make it through until the ultrasound that showed a strong, beating heart. I begged God to show me how to make it through–to give me the patience I needed to relax, to sleep. Impatience and worry caused me nearly a week of insomnia. I did feel relief at some point before the ultrasound. Now I need to revisit that prayer before my impatience gets out of control again. So far, I’m hanging in there, and just trying to keep looking forward to the next fun thing on the calendar that I don’t have to miss.

Today, I had my house cleaned by two cleaning ladies. My house looks great. They were not the most efficient cleaning people–the woman who came before (it was her sister and daughter that came today) did a better job and did it by herself in the same amount of time it took these two.  But my house is MUCH cleaner than it was before they came. When my house is clean, I am more motivated to keep it clean. Every time I’ve had my house cleaned before, I’ve gotten better at housekeeping in general. I’m hoping to continue that pattern. In fact, before they came, I’d already tidied and cleaned Daniel’s room. As it turns out, he’s more motivated to keep his room clean when it’s already clean and he’s only 3 (almost). He always puts his shoes away neatly now, when he used to just throw them under the bed.

Next on the agenda, is family dinner tomorrow (Thursday). After that, is the Holistic Moms Network playgroup on Friday morning. Then, the long weekend–with two barbeques to go to. After that comes my guess date. And then the real patience will be required.

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We Jumped the Gun

After only a week of knowing I was pregnant, I miscarried–am miscarrying. I’ve been handling it pretty well–probably due to the fact that we knew about the pregnancy for such a short time. And because I was spotting from day 1, I suspected things weren’t quite right. Of course, had things turned out differently, I would have associated those feelings with paranoia. But because of the outcome, I can safely say “I had a feeling…”.

We are sad, but not distraught. And to those who are reading this and wondering what the appropriate response is, I would greatly prefer well wishes for a quick recovery (I’m still feeling “not right” and a little crampy and uncomfortable) over sympathy and apologies.

For an interesting bit of information, one study showed that 22% of women who conceived lost the “pregnancy” before their period was even supposed to begin. 10% of the pregnancies were lost after the woman recognized that she was pregnant. So in that study 32% of the pregnancies achieved were lost… an astounding number, really. In fact, had I not taken a pregnancy test, I might have just assumed this was an extra long cycle (would have been 40 days). In December I had a 44-day cycle… so the long cycle isn’t entirely out of character for me… and makes me wonder….

We’re looking forward to trying again in a couple months and are trying to keep things normal for Daniel’s sake–though it’s obvious he can sense that something is not right. My goal is to focus on his birthday party which is a week from tomorrow!

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