Posts tagged sibling rivalry

8 Months Old & Crawling

Last week Reid figured out how to crawl. He has be loving his new-found freedom. Of course, since everything goes directly into his mouth, I have to be extra vigilant, but I am actually really glad he’s figured it out. He’s just a happier guy, and he’s more stable now that he’s figured out how to maneuver. The only thing that’s been stressful is when he crawls over to the coffee table and pulls himself to standing. He’s very unstable on his feet. Unlike Daniel who was a bit of a scaredy cat, Reid seems fearless. He’ll get himself on his feet, then let go of the table with total confidence in himself, even though every time, he falls and usually bonks something. I think it’s safe to say he’ll be walking before his first birthday.

We just got back from a 10-day vacation in Seattle and Canada. Most of our group (Dan’s immediate family) was sick for the bulk of the trip, so it seemed like a bit of a downer vacation. It was good to get away, and I did find the time out of my normal routines refreshing and renewing, but by the end of it, I was really ready to get home. Daniel didn’t do very well cooped up inside, and his jealously issues seemed to amplify with his general frustration at being bored. He’s really testing his limits right now. Today I had to actually reprimand him twice. Usually, I just have to tell him to stop doing whatever it is he’s doing, and he generally stops. But today, he didn’t stop.

I know he’s acting out because he’s jealous. He’s been asking to nurse a lot lately and has been asking to be carried in the carrier. One time about a month ago, I gave in and let him “try” nursing. He opened his mouth, came close, then giggled and turned away saying he didn’t know how. After that, I haven’t let him “try” again. I really wish he would have just nursed a little right after Reid was born, so we could have had a more ceremonious ending that he remembered to our nursing relationship. But now that he’s approaching 4, allowing him to start nursing all over again (which means I’d have to teach him how) seems a bit much, even for me. I wish there was something I could do for or give to him that could help him feel less jealousy.

There’s a book called Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish that I hope to buy and read soon (unless someone has a better recommendation). I hate the idea that I will need to up the ante in the “discipline” department with Daniel, when his actions are clearly dictated by him feeling pushed aside. Still, I can’t be passive while he yanks things away from his brother, lays on him, puts his feet in his face, etc. And I feel like I need to nip this in the bud for Dan’s sake as well, or I can kiss my chances of having another baby goodbye. He’s already having a hard time with things as they are. I know he really wants to be finished having children. He’s really loving Daniel at his age, but Reid is still tough for him to know how to handle. Starting over yet again with another baby and all the stuff that goes along with them really stresses him out.

I have given up my hopes for a full house of children, though. Now I only hold out hope for one more. And the easier our current children are, the more likely it is that #3 will come to be.

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The Terrible Threes

Oy. I have been composing blogs in my head for the last several weeks. I’ve just not made the time to actually write them. I have been pretty busy with my active boys, Holistic Moms Network, some pro bono design work, organizing my house, going on vacations, etc.

But those are all excuses. Onto the meat and potatoes.

Reid has been a dream. He has completely turned back into a happy easy baby. But Daniel has been unraveling. He’s having a hard time figuring out what effect his voice has in his world. Regardless of what I do, he tells me in a whiny or frustrated voice he wanted it another way. He tells me what to do, what not to do, where to sit, where to put things, and he often breaks down in tears if things don’t go his way.

I think the problem is a combination of things. Because I’ve been so busy, I haven’t been able to get down and play with Daniel as much. This is compounded by the fact that he is aware of how I drop what I’m doing in order to respond when Reid needs something–when he wakes, when he needs to pee, when he’s hungry, etc. Even though I comparatively¬† give Daniel more attention and time because Reid sleeps so much, I think he’s jealous that he has to wait for me to be finished with something while Reid gets my immediate attention when he calls.

I also think Daniel is over tired. I really think he ought to still be napping, but he refuses. I am not willing to fight the nap-time battle every day, so I don’t push it. But by 3 or 4, Daniel’s eyes are red-rimmed and his bossiness and frustration levels are on the rise. He will take a “rest”, though, so I still get a little time to myself. His rests consist of him listening to Veggie Tales songs while reading books or playing cars by dim lights in his room–usually with the door closed.

We really ought to get him in bed earlier, but our evening routine already seems pretty tightly scheduled. I start dinner when Dan gets home and can hold Reid. Then we eat and usually begin the bedtime routine shortly thereafter. It’s all the fussing and complaining that drag our evenings out so long. We ought to be able to get it all done and have the children in bed by 8. But even on nights we are able to accomplish this, Daniel usually lays in bed awake for at least an hour or two–periodically calling for one of us, or getting up to pee (he usually does this 4 or 5 times every night before he falls asleep).

Tonight was better. I used a quiet, low, even-toned voice while getting Daniel ready for bed. I ignored his “I don’t want to” and his “but I wanted to…” statements and just proceeded with what I was doing, and things went okay. He still clung to me when I was hugging and kissing him goodnight, but there were no tears (not immediately anyway–he did cry once about 30 minutes later, but that was fairly easily mitigated my Dan sitting in the rocking chair in his room for 5 minutes).

He also asked for milk tonight. I really wanted to say yes. But instead I made a silly face and joked that he didn’t know how to drink my milk–that he only knew how to drink milk from a cup. He asked a lot of why questions, but never got upset. And then he asked me to squirt him…. Bizarre, I know. But I did it. And he cracked up and begged me to do it again–but I couldn’t bring myself to. I’m kind of frustrated with myself for not letting him try it. I know he’s pretty old to be having my milk, but I think it would relieve a lot of the tension for him. I wonder if we could accomplish that same release if I pumped some for him.

The threes so far have been much harder than the twos. The phrase should be the Terrible Threes. The twos were comparatively a breeze.

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